Never Call Them Jerks: Healthy Responses to Difficult Behavior

Praise for the Book
“Church Members' difficult behavior can elicit naming, blaming, or shaming responses from a pastor. A much more creative approach is provided by this book. The author demonstrates how to deal with critics by turning them into teachers, increasing one's own self-awareness, and considering the whole system in which the criticism takes place. Neither authoritarianism nor appeasing are effective—'hard ball nor soft ball.' Never Call Them Jerks is thorough, well researched, and well illustrated. The author's stories are useful sermon material. This is the best book I have read on this important subject—even better than the one I wrote on this topic!” —Wayne E. Oates, Ph.D., Professor of Psychiatry Emeritus, School of Medicine, University of Louisville

“Arthur Paul Boers pours a wealth of pastoral wisdom and clinical insight into his book, Never Call Them Jerks. Any pastor who has ever had to deal with conflicted, difficult, emotion-laden church members and congregations (and what pastor has not?) will gain much from Boers's insights. This book is essential for a pastor's survival, as well as for a pastor's skillful leadership of the congregation. He helps us to see how our 'worst' members, our most trying congregational crisis, can, by the grace of God and our skillful and caring leadership, be transformed into opportunities for redemptive ministry.” —William H. Willimon, Dean of the Chapel and Professor of Christian Ministry, Duke University, Durham, NC

“Finally, a mature response to a common church problem: dealing with difficult parishioners. Many authors have addressed this perennial concern but pastors are still demanding help. Boers takes the best wisdom from relevant fields—psychology, conflict resolution, family systems theory, spiritual insight—and combines them into an approach that is practical and consistent with the gospel. Rather than focus on what we can't control—the behavior of others—Boers shows us how to understand conflict and change our responses to it. Seminarians will avoid common church conflicts if they read this early in their ministries. Pastors will be more effective leaders and happier people after taking Boers's advice.” —Victoria A. Rebeck, Deacon, editor, and writer in the United Methodist Church, Chicago, IL