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Inspired by the Biblical book, "Kohelet" Ecclesiastes
A 21st Century Men's Midrash
- Rabbi Shawn Israel Zevit
On men and the quest for the Divine
Utter change! says Kohelet
Utter change! All is in flux!
Yet there is real value for a man
In all he quests beneath the sun
One generation of experience and inquiry goes,
And another comes.
Identities rise, others shift
And what is in vogue comes ‘round again.
No one can ever fully express the
Turns that every season holds.
And, my sons and daughters,
There are so many opinions and
Expectations of who you are to be
And so many roads that your ancestors
Have traveled beneath the sun
To these days of utter change.
So, I said to myself, "Here I am a man of my time,
Seeking to be the change I desire in the days of change,
Seeing my own role, desires, expectations and responsibilities
Being transformed in my lifetime.
Let me set my inquiry
To what I as a Jewish man have become,
So that I may leave you
With the questions I have lived into
As generations unfold beneath the sun."
And I learned-
That for all I have prided myself in becoming-
A man of equity and justice,
Of love and compassion,
Of feminist and male-affirmative consciousness-
A man of GOD-
I learned, there is still much change needed ahead.
So that the breakthroughs of one generation
In transforming the inherited gender constructs
And Jewish male roles and expectations
Would not become the exit door
For a whole generation to come.
I learned that I hold the generations within me
Even as I strive towards
A different tomorrow.
If I pretend otherwise
Then I will relegate both the richness and the shadow-side
Of my tradition, cultural and gender inheritance
To the realm of the nonintegrated and unseen.
There may be nothing new under the sun
Yet an enlightened life is still a soul's unending quest.
I set myself to look at our tradition
And the journey of men before me.
I discovered that the reverberations
From the “lech lecha”
Of God’s calling to Avram
To journey into the unknown
Still echoes for us today.
The quest to meet the yearning of the soul-
Where the desires of our heart
Intersect with the needs of
The world in which we live,
Has not diminished with time.
As I opened my eyes and ears to the voices of my brothers around me, they spoke of gender roles in flux, expectations and hopes shifting and stretching. They spoke of challenges to understand where they are, even as they try to figure out where they are headed. Their connection to, and definition of what is Jewish and masculine, are also buffeted by winds of change. They talked of the ancient call to chart their unique path, connect to loved ones, and find their place in community and the world at large. Many struggled to understand the world of their fathers, let alone find their purpose in a now unfamiliar landscape.
Some men had been handed the richness of faith, with its customs, rituals and insights and so could add their life stories to the ancient ones. However, for many tradition was not a given. What they had received from their parents no longer resonated in their own hearts. Some spoke of experiences in general men's groups or social, political and environmental movements, but they felt out of touch with their Jewish identity. Others were well grounded in their Jewish expression, but had never explored being in a group of men. Many expressed sadness at having few or surface relationships with other men. Initially I found few resources to help my brothers deal with these concerns, yet an intense need to address their questions and longing. Our sisters were generally encouraging of this search, knowing their liberation alone would not free us from a mitzrayim of historic social, political, economic, cultural and political structures that were limiting and destructive, or aid us in reconstructing these roles and constructs in light of emerging paradigms and reality maps.
I was deeply moved, even as I heard my brothers speak of their alienation and pride, that there does exist the rich legacy of what it has meant to be a Jewish man. There has been encouragement and resource to make a profound contribution to our families, our people, our world. There is a legacy of great creativity, of GOD hunger, a Soul wrestling, and the commitment to live principled lives, to stand for justice, compassion, and our people. There have been eras of great learning and insight, of enormous contribution to human endeavor supported by unending energy and passion, despite barriers and brutality met along the way. There has been a limitless range of diverse expressions of Holiness and Wholeness, brush stroked as a canvas on the Soul of the world.
There is also growing attention to exploring our relationship to God, traditional and creative ritual, sexuality and intimacy, internalized and external anti-Semitism, women’s contributions, partnering, raising and relating to children, physical health, competition and isolation, homophobia, cross cultural connections, understanding Jewish leadership, gender and men's studies, friendship, addictions, violence work and money, creating and sustaining men's groups. All part of the legacies we have inherited and may wish to leave behind in part or whole (or not) to our sons, daughters and communities.
I also turned the light of inquiry toward the shadowed corners of our legacy as Jewish men and discovered other truths. There were voices of pain, grief and loss linked to great expectations relentlessly pursued. There were internalizations of the need to be saviors and the expectation in many generations that maybe “this boy child” would be the messiah a tall order to fill. There were many Jewish brothers feeling compelled to save humanity and save the remnants of their people, or perhaps excel at their professions and obtain positions of power to ensure security and influence- often at the expense of their own unfulfilled dreams or well-being. I met men who were bent or broken under the weight of trying too long to be the redeemer, to be perfect, to get it right at all costs. The drive to be the best, change the world, earn more than- be more than- have more than- had crushed some before they blossomed.
Some men paid no attention to their physical lives, having retreated to the mind and left the body over many centuries when the world became unsafe for them as Jewish men. Others reinforced their physical prowess so as to counter historical passive images and found aggressive, religious or anti religious uniforms from which to fight back. Faced with these pressures, many of their hearts grew into thick forests of rigid practice and identity or opaque wisps of “assimilationist” distance.
So, I was left to ask myself,
"What could and indeed, has begun,
to draw my Jewish brothers together again
in healing, balanced ways?
What of the future?"
For some men it is the opportunity, structured and informal for sharing with other men and deepening their connection to their Judaism. Some have sought to address the desire for a re-connection to longstanding Jewish traditions, renewed in a dance of tradition and innovation to speak to us today. Some spoke of gathering for Kiddush Levanah, a monthly celebration of the new moon and month. They began with study and sharing, followed by a trip outside to a nearby park for recitation of the liturgy for sanctifying the new moon and exchange blessings or mark transitions such as fatherhood, bar mitzvah, and marriage, or offer healing prayers for ill friends and family. Some men created support groups to deal with issues of concern to them as Jewish men. The previous generation's gathering places of brotherhoods and men's clubs have begun to restructure themselves and develop programs to address issues of concern to contemporary Jewish men.
I discovered an array of groups, workshops, courses and publications, retreats, newly emerging egalitarian and male-affirming prayer groups, klezmer-jazz-hiphop-world-music-fusion groups, social justice and tzedakah collectives; programs held at synagogues, Jewish Community Centers and campuses, dealing with Jewish men lives.
I found men re-engaging with traditional and post-modern/midrashic Torah study, mikveh, reclaiming, transforming, and creating rituals, exploring male role models in Jewish history. I crossed paths with interested Israeli men, heterosexual, gay, bisexual and trans-gendered identified men, men re-examining their life at work, health issues, tikkun olam, sustainability, globalization and the male and Jewish contributions to the prior and current state of affairs in the world
Through the cracks in our hearts,
Sacred light has begun
To pour into new vessels
And so I say to you,
Appreciate your journey as it unfolds,
Do not give in and say,
"This inquiry is of no concern to me!”
If you leave the inquiry only to our sisters,
Or passively appreciate the holy brothers
Leading the inquiry
Or satisfy yourself only
Only in the attractions of the greater culture,
The foundations of your spirit
Will become shaky.
Build trust between yourselves
And learn how to relate to each other as men
Beyond the avenues previously afforded.
This will allow you the opportunity
To see beyond and behind competition,
Insecurities and fears.
You will be able to
Forge a compassionate,
Relevant and authentic spiritual life.
You will be able to deepen your souls,
So that your renewed Jewish expression
Enhances and supports the
Journey of men and women
In an age of rapidly changing roles and expectations.
Guilt, feelings of shame,
Inadequacy and blaming others
Is the surest way to keep the baggage
We drag along
Stuck in place.
The emergence of a new Jewish male identity
Must neither be dominating and abusive
Nor so passive and apologetic
That it leads to a total flattening
Of behavior that de-energizes and immobilizes.
If we seek to deepen our connection to each other,
To women,
To our and the world's children
To people of all faiths and backgrounds
To the planet of which we are an expression
We will help to realign relationships in community
In such a way that values
What is rich and meaningful in the past,
And allows us to work together
And support each other
In creative, compassionate and insightful ways
Towards a healthy future.
So, I say to you in summary,
When all the books have been read,
All the seminars, committees and retreats attended,
The prayers and sacred texts spoken,
Honor the potential in your own soul
And the Divine spark in all life,
Do not despair on the journey,
Nor give in to simple solutions.
For this applies to all men and women of all times
That in the end we will be held accountable
For our choices in life
And the extent to which we truly became
The blessing we were meant to be
In the short time we were here.
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